The Story of Millie and Tom

Millie & Tom, on their 1st Anniversary

The year was 1952.  Kay Starr's 'Wheel of Fortune' was the #1 song on the radio, the conflict in Korea continued as a truce attempt failed and the US detonated the world's first hydrogen bomb.  

A beautiful young woman named Mildred Pokrywka (aka Millie) was living in Baltimore, MD and working at a local pharmaceutical company. She was 21 years old and grew up quickly after her mother passed when she was only 16. Her father remarried a woman who was...how shall we say it diplomatically...not a very kind human being. Millie found herself handing over most of her paycheck to this woman and really did not have much to call her own.  

At the same time, a handsome young man named Tom Trovato was stationed in Alaska. He was 21 years old and a Staff Sergeant in the Air Force. He was getting ready to be transferred to West Palm Beach, FL to finish out the last year of his enlisted time after he went on a two week furlow. Tom was also from Baltimore and he was dating a girl, Theresa, who happened to be the sister of the man who was about to marry his own sister (my aunt). He would write her many letters during his time in Alaska and mentioned he would be home in March for the wedding.    

Millie had number of friends in Baltimore and would hit the local dance halls at night with them. She loved to dance and have a good time. One of her friends, Geraldine, was talking about this guy who was dating her sister Theresa and that he writes her letters all the time. Millie and Geraldine were hanging out one day and decided to sneak into the Theresa's room and read her letters.  Tom sounded like a great guy who wanted to make something of himself and could not wait to have a family. Millie dreamed of meeting someone like him someday.

Tom headed to Baltimore on his two week leave for his sister's wedding. One of the first nights he was home, he was out with friends at the local dance hall when he saw a stunning brunette with piercing blue eyes. He was captivated by her and had to meet her, even though he was seeing someone.  He approached Millie and introduced himself. She let him know that she heard about him through Geraldine and asked what the deal was with his girlfriend, Theresa. He assured her that it was only a casual thing and they left it open to date other people when he left for Alaska. That night, they danced and talked and Tom asked Millie if he could come by her house while he was home. She said that would be fine, but in true Millie form, she let him know she knew from his letters what a smooth talker he could be and not to try any of that junk on her.  

The next night, Tom showed up on Millie's doorstep and asked to come in and hang out with her. And that happened night after night while he was home for his leave. They mainly went dancing and 'Wheel of Fortune' quickly became their song:

Oh, wheel of fortune
I'm hoping somehow
If you ever smile on me
Please let it be now

Their love for each other blossomed and the wheel was certainly smiling upon them. 

They were having a wonderful time together and did not want their time together to end. Tom dreaded going back to Florida without her, so after knowing her for only 2 weeks, he did what his heart told him to do and asked Millie to marry him. She was shocked, but did what her heart told her to do and said yes. Before they knew it, they were making plans for a quick ceremony and their life together. He let her know he would have an apartment just off the base all set up for her and they could get married by the chaplain on base. Three weeks later, Millie said goodbye to her family and flew to West Palm Beach. She arrived on a Sunday and stayed with the landlady who rented Tom the apartment for two nights until they got married the following Tuesday. The ceremony was simple with two witnesses and no frills. When they got back to the apartment, their landlady had baked them an orange chiffon cake and gave them $25, which they added to the $100 they had between the two of them.  

That is how it all started for my parents on April 15, 1952. The wheel of fortune brought them together and growing in love kept them together. They took a huge leap of faith that day, as they really did not know each other that well, but what they knew was that they could make it work. My mom told me that she just didn't over-think the whole thing and getting to know each other over the years kept it exciting. She knew he was a good man and would be a great husband and father. They were married 43 years when my dad passed away and they were still very much in love with each other. It was no easy road, either. They moved over 10 times while my dad went where the work was while he built his career on the railroad and took care of their aging parents along the way. But, they had a great deal of love and respect for one another and were not afraid to show it. He would give her a big kiss every night the minute he got home from work and they always called each other 'Hon' (a Baltimore term of endearment - best when said with a 'Balimer' accent).  

I ask my mom to tell me this story every once in a while. I know it makes her happy to talk about it and helps her keep that memory of my father alive in her heart...and I love hearing it. My parents taught me that love is all about following your heart, having faith in each other, forgiving one another at times and always, always, always showing your love...and I thank God every day for their incredible example of love.      

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

Last weekend while I was driving, I rediscovered one of my favorite songs that I had forgotten about - Grace by U2 (2000).  It came on my iPod while I was out running errands and it really got me thinking about the meaning of the word 'grace'.  We hear the word all the time, but what does it really mean?

This beautiful song depicts grace as a woman...a woman who takes all the bad in the world and makes it good, a woman who 'makes beauty out of ugly things'.  A woman with no-frills about her, but yet you hear music whenever she's around.  She exists for no other reason than to say 'yes' to the world...a yes that allows you to hand over your shame to her, ask for forgiveness and then heal.  As she's walking, this idea of karma comes along and Grace decides she's  taking the other road.  She knows karma is central to how many people live their lives - what you put out to the Universe you will receive back, an eye for an eye, etc.  Yet she says, 'Sorry, that's not what I'm all about.  I'm about love.  I'm about forgiveness.'  

And that's the beautiful thing about grace.  It's there when you need it most - during those times when you feel worthless, when you feel you've done a terrible thing, when you feel you've hurt someone you love, when you have lied or may have betrayed someone.  God says, 'No problem.  Give it to me.  I'll take it.'  And in return, you receive nothing but His love and mercy.  You receive grace.  

It's a humbling concept.

"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."  ~ Oscar Wilde

Siempre Feliz

Rigo's small pickup truck drove along the dirt road, the back bed loaded with people we picked up along the way from various villages who needed a ride.  I sat in the passenger's seat, listening to the radio and taking in the incredible beauty of the scenery around me.  

"Mi hermana, como estas?" (My sister, how are you?), Rigo asked.

"Muy bien, usted?"  (Well, you?), I replied.
"Ah, muy bien.  Feliz."  (Well.  Happy.), he replied.  Then he put his hand on his heart and said, "Siempre muy bien.  Siempre feliz, mi hermana."  (Always well, always happy, my sister.)

And that is how my first full day in Honduras started, a trip I took a year ago this week that completely changed my life.  I went to do some work for a non-profit I support, Project Eden & Adelante, which focuses on education and nutrition for families in the San Francisco de La Paz region of Honduras.  What I did not realize was just how much this six day journey would permeate my heart and my soul.



Manuel, Mario, Osman & Rigo

Padre Daniel

Project Eden & Adelante was founded 10 years ago by my former priest and dear friend, Fr. Dan St. Laurent (Padre Daniel).  Wanting to address the issues of chronic malnutrition and lack of education, he founded this organization to address these problems by planting community and school gardens, as well as establishing a tutoring program that involves the students and their families to ensure they stay in school.  There are four men on the ground in Honduras who make it happen daily - Mario, Rigo, Manuel and Osman.  In ten years time, Project Eden supports 20 community gardens that help over 100 families and 685 children have access to fresh fruits and vegetables and Adelante (which means 'Forward') has 144 students in the program. Living proof that one person with one good idea and the passion to execute on that one idea can make a difference in the world.


Rigo's House

I'm not going to lie, I was nervous about going to Honduras.  It is one of the poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere and has the highest murder rate in the world.  But, I just keep telling myself to go with an open heart, open eyes and an open mind...to see it all, feel it all and experience it all.  I was fortunate to be able to stay with Rigo, who works for Project Eden, and his family while I was there in the small village of Quiscamote.  And again, I'm not going to lie...I called my husband crying the first night I was there because there was a huge spider on the wall in my room and well, I hate spiders.  He talked me off the ledge and I remembered what I told myself...see, feel, experience. If they can live with these large arachnids, then so can I. 

And I'm glad that I did.

Rigo and Padre Daniel picked me up at the airport in Tegucigalpa, which is a three hour drive from Quiscamote.  Rigo greeted me with a big hug and I was instantly his 'hermana' (sister).  In my head, I kept thinking about the words in Matthew, "I was stranger, and you welcomed me."  And that is how it was with everyone I met that week.  I don't speak Spanish very well - I know some basics and that is it.  But, what I found was that I did not need to know the language to understand being welcomed so warmly by so many.  It's a feeling I've never experienced anywhere else in the world.

Mireya's Kitchen

The village of Quiscamote is very small and very rural.  It is alive with animals running around and children playing everywhere.  Rigo's house is as bright in color as it is in love.  His wife, Mireya, has the most infectious laugh and makes the world's best cup of coffee.  His daughter, Yessy, and his son Milton are smart and funny young teenagers and then there is little Alan Daniel, who would shout from the next room every morning and evening, "Good Morning Diana!" and "Good Night Diana!".  Mireya and I would cook dinner together every night, which always included homemade corn tortilla that was heated over the wood burning stove in the kitchen.  Two women who both love to cook don't need to speak the same language to laugh and have fun preparing a meal...and that's just what we did.  In the evenings, family and friends from the village would be in and out of Rigo's house and if there was food left from dinner and someone had not eaten, they would get fed.  I really love the great sense of community and family in Quiscamote and I never felt out of place - I felt like family.

UNH gang hard at work

Garden in Quiscamote

During the week, I met up with a group of 4 students and their group leader, Cheryl, from UNH and we went to work in different gardens around the area, whether it was at a school or a village.  I watched these 4 young adults over the week and could see them taking it all in and learning from their experience.  Milana, Julie, Kaitlin and Mikey selflessly gave up their spring break to work in Honduras, which says a lot about their character.  They made me wish I had done this 25 years ago.  We started each day in prayer and reflection, then shared a meal with each other.  A couple of the afternoons we were there, Padre Daniel arranged for us to head into two very small villages for mass.  The celebrations were lively with music and again, we were welcomed warmly by the villagers.  The first mass was particularly touching, as a 40-day old baby was being blessed and presented to God, which is a traditional practice.  It truly is a celebration and a gift because many babies don't make it due to poor healthcare and nutrition.    

Meeting Yuri (she's in white)

I was also able to meet two students in the Adelante program - one that I sponsor and one that the Confirmation class I once helped teach raised money to sponsor.  Yuri, who my class sponsored, happens to be Rigo & Mireya's niece and lives in the village.  We went to her house one evening and I was fortunate enough to have someone with me who could translate.  My translator, Lalo, is from New Hampshire and was staying in the village for a few months working.  He also happened to be a student of my sister's when she had a preschool many years ago...small world!  Meeting Yuri was an unforgettable moment for me.  She is one of 4 children being raised by an incredibly hardworking single mother who is also mute.  Yuri explained how grateful she was to the kids in my class for sponsoring her and kept telling me how much it meant to her.  We talked about her dreams and her hopes for the future.  She wants to be a teacher, but is not sure that she can bring in enough money for her family by doing that.  At one point, we both just burst into tears and hugged each other tight for a few minutes.  I assured her that if she is meant to be a teacher, she will...and I pray every day that she becomes one because she would be fantastic at it.  I think about her everyday - how hard she works to achieve good grades at school and the struggles her family deals with daily.  Through it all she remains selfless with so much love in her heart...her beautiful soul forever touched my own.

Me & Karla

My last day was spent doing some painting with Padre Daniel and the guys from Project Eden.  We blasted music, shared a meal and had many laughs that day.  I was also able to meet the student I sponsor, Karla.  She is a beautiful young woman with a very bright future ahead of her.  Padre Daniel was there to translate and we were able to talk to each other about our families and our interests.  I pray for her every day, as well...that she is able to continue her education, that she is safe and that she has a future filled with hope and love.  When I got back to Rigo's house later that afternoon, Yuri was there with her mother and two sister's.  I was able to spend some time with them and really did not want to say goodbye.  That night, I cooked the family some 'gringa food', which consisted of a spaghetti dinner and we threw in some corn tortillas on the side.  The UNH group had some food left over that I brought home and prepared.  We had a wonderful meal together as a family, full of laughter and songs that they taught me.  My heart was full and I felt warm with love. 

In the movie "I AM", the director talks about how the basis of nature is cooperation, not competition.  All week long, this is what I witnessed.  People helping each other, taking care of each other and truly being their brothers and sisters keeper.  We call it socialism, they call it survival.  I could not help but think about why so many in this country look at it this way.  Why is looking out for others and wanting to take care of our nations poor deemed some radical socialist attitude?  Why can we be so adverse to welcoming the stranger?  When did we become so cold?  The cooperation among the people in Honduras that I witnessed all week comes from a deeper place.  It comes from a deep faith...faith in each other and faith in God.  A faith that allows them to welcome the stranger so warmly, a faith that allows them to find joy in each day and a faith that allows them to love so effortlessly.  I never felt so close to God as I did that week...and I can't really put into words why.  I just did.  

The view from my room

I did not want to leave that Saturday, but knew I would be back.  I took in every minute of my last morning there.  Waking up in the village is like nothing I've ever experienced, as the sounds of nature just surround you - the cows mooing, the dogs barking, the pigs grunting, the roosters crowing, the bugs buzzing.  I sat in silence and listened while I savored my last cup of Mireya's coffee.  I helped make a few last tortilla's in the kitchen.  I waited for Alan Daniel to say "Good Morning Diana!".  It was so hard to say goodbye to all of them.

When I got on the plane in Tegucigalpa, I sat next to a man from New York who had been there for a week to do medical clinics in another town.  I told him about Project Eden & Adelante and what I was doing there.  About half way through the flight to Miami, he noticed I was crying.  He asked if everything was okay and I explained it was an emotional week.  He then asked me, "Are you crying because you feel bad for them?"  I replied, "No, I'm crying because I feel bad for us."  He just smiled and said, "You don't need to explain any further."  We seem to have lost our sense of community and our need to connect with one another face to face.  We seem to have lost our ability to find the beauty in each day.  We seem to have lost sight of what's important.  And I'm just as guilty as the next person.  It's not all about money and stuff...it's about people and experiences.  Spending time with the people we care about, welcoming new ones into our lives and creating memories with those people...that's what makes life worth living, that's where happiness can be found.  In my one short week in Honduras, my eyes were opened - my heart got filled with feelings I never felt before and my life got filled with new people that I consider mi familia (my family).

In his book 'Simplicity', Richard Rohr sums it up best:  "You have to run with your own feet to some place you haven't been before - to a new place.  You have to leave the world where you have everything under control.  You have to leave the world where everybody likes you.  You have to head into a world where you are poor and powerless.  And there you will be converted, despite yourself."

I often think about that morning in the truck with Rigo.  That very moment inspires me daily to take stock in my life, to not be a victim of my own circumstances, to be grateful for everything I have and to seek out happiness and joy in each day.  Then, I think about what the world would be like if everyone when asked how they are, answered by putting their hand over their heart and saying "Siempre muy bien.  Siempre feliz."

Mi Familia - Yessy, Milton, Rigo, Mireya and Alan Daniel

For more pictures, go to:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.255872561168254.62450.100002365371511&type=3

For more information on Project Eden & Adelante:

http://www.projectedenhonduras.org/

Project Eden on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Project-Eden-Adelante/128219397252948?fref=ts

Another New Year's Eve in the ICU

Over the past 8 years, I've spent 5 New Year's Eve's in the Intensive Care Unit with my mother.  She suffers from COPD and a vocal chord dysfunction that messes with her breathing when she gets run down or overly anxious.  The Holiday's seem to bring on her anxiety and a bit of sadness from missing my dad who passed almost 18 years ago now.  It seems to be a time of year that brings those same feelings out in a lot of people, as the ICU is always full.  In speaking with the nurses over the years, they all say it is their busiest time - they see a lot of heart attacks, anxiety, depression and sickness due to being over tired.  

This past New Year's Eve was no different for me and as I sat in the ICU, I could not help but wonder why we have taken a time of year that is supposed to be full of peace and joy and turned it into a time of stress and anxiety?  We obsess over finding the perfect gifts for people while racking up mounds of debt when in reality, we've been given a great gift each day...the gift of life.  There were many families there that night that were gathered to bid farewell to their loved one and there were other families who were celebrating their loved one being saved.  The hospital is that place where life and death come to mingle so closely with one another, a place where you see a gamut of emotions collide - from great joy to great sadness.  And as I sat there, I could not help but think I was about to be given the gift of a new year...365 days, 8,760 hours.  How would I use it?  How would I approach each day that is given to me?  Sitting there with my mom knowing she was going to be okay, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me.  I made the decision to not worry about trying to make each day perfect, but rather to just be present in it and grateful for it.  

This year has certainly been full of challenges, but by being 'present' in each day, it has been easier to overcome them...taking it as it comes without dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future.  Being able to better process all that anxiety, drama and stress that is thrown at us daily opens the mind to see the goodness and beauty that surrounds us, even in the most difficult of days.  

One of the most incredible soul singers who died far too early at the age of 59, Teddy Pendergrass, said it best:  "This gift of life, it's the only thing you can't buy for money."  A free gift every day...what more could you ask for?

The Turntable of Life...

So, here goes.  My foray into the blogosphere.  Why 'Life's Turntable'?  Turntables have always played an important part of my life.  My first memories are of my father blaring records on his 'Hi-Fi', imparting on me a love of music and an affection for vinyl.  I vividly remember him taking the records out of the sleeve, gently placing them on the platter and then carefully cleaning each one before playing.  To this day, I still use a turntable to listen to music and buy my favorite artists on vinyl.  It reminds me of my childhood escape - sitting behind the big green chair in our living room with my 'Close-n-Play', playing my 45's and eventually retreating to the basement as a teenager where I had my makeshift DJ set up (two turntables and a mixing board) and could crank up some U2, Sex Pistols, Police, Clash, Earth, Wind and Fire and many, many more of my favorites.   Music has always been my release and the comfort I find in placing a record on the platter of my turntable is inexplicable. 

Life is like a turntable in many ways.  Sometimes you put the needle on the record and it skips, sometimes you put the needle on the record and it finds the perfect groove, putting out the clearest, sweetest sound.  It spins round like the circle of life - creating memories and evoking deep emotions through the power of lyrics about birth, life, death, sex, addiction, love, loss, faith, hope, joy.  All the emotions we experience in life, captured perfectly in a song.  

My turntable and part of my vinyl collection in my 'woman cave'.

I plan on using this blog to reflect on life through the many lessons I have learned along the way.  Lessons about being human, being tolerant and being able to find the sublime in the ordinary.  

For now, I'm going to listen to a little Beach Boys on the old turntable.